Recently there was a huge controversy with the Maggi Noodles, with the high lead content in it. We all got so concerned with it, that we stopped consuming the noodles, which once had been an integral part of our lives, and even shared a very important place in our hearts. Consequently, it was banned across the country. Practically, one upon a time it was impossible to imagine life without “Maggi”, still we took such a drastic step because we cared about ourselves and our loved ones. We knew, though it tasted good, the toxins in it would eventually, erode our bodies inside.
If we are so concerned about our physical bodies, then why aren’t we equally concerned about the toxins which deteriorate our souls? These toxins are the people in our lives, who constantly try to bring us down, belittle, make us sad, bruise and leave us torn. Sometimes we can’t even realize the harm these people cause, because they are disguised as our own friends and family. This comes as a shock but its true! These people are more like real life dementors in the Harry Potter series who suck out the life and happiness out of happy people. Euh! I would never want one in my life!
These people enter our lives as friends (and are usually available only when they need us) and dump all their grief into us, and leave like a boss! Surely nobody has the right to use us as their dustbins to dump all their sadness, grief, anger & insecurities.
I am not saying we should not be there for people who need us, but there is a difference in people who need us and people who are available only when they need us. Okay, let’s try to come up with a few characteristics of toxic people which could help us identify them.
1. The most important quality of a toxic person is the one who never finds time for you, but suddenly remembers you when they need you. And once they feel their need is fulfilled, they seem unavailable again.
2. They seem to be undermining us all the time. If not always at least whenever they find a chance to do so. Unknowingly they make us question ourselves and our capabilities.
3. They have an opinion about everything that belongs to us, our friends, our dressing sense, our hobbies and even how we look. Oh come on dude! Seriously? You have an opinion about how I look? Well, uh, keep it to yourself!
4. They are least bothered about your well-being, state of mind, mood and even health. Really? You still want someone like that in your life?
5. Sometimes, it’s just vibes! You get a vibe from this toxic person, when your sixth sense immediately warns you to stay away from them. I always recommend listening keenly to your gut feeling. And if your’e a woman, there’s no way it can be wrong. We are blessed with it!
6. Your mistakes are always magnified and this person just doesn’t seem to allow you to get over your past. They make you keep clinging to your past like a ghost. These are the creepy toxins!
7. The not so trustworthy toxins. Some people are too dangerous to be trusted. Only experience can help us identify who they are.
8. Every word they say pinches us at the heart to an extent that it pains, quite literally.
9. They are the most difficult people to communicate with. Every discussion with them ends with an argument.
10. Another dangerous category, is where the toxic people act like they care for you, and do things for your benefit, to make you happy but in turn are actually looking only into their benefit. These are the ones who happen to play with your mind and often very unidentifiable.
So what should we do with these people. Okay let’s make a few more points.
1. Let them go! You don’t have to be guilty about it, because you are only working on yourself for yourself. You would never want to see yourself succumbing to the slow poison of a dementor.
2. Sometimes, it’s not easy to just let them go, when they happen to be our family or the people we work with. Clearly, draw lines! Make a clear boundary which no matter what should be crossed.
3. Always wear that invisible tiara, and don’t ever let anyone let it down. Your confidence is your beauty.
It is good to forgive them, we forgive them not for them but for our heart from the strong with hold of the past. But it is wise to not to forget what they did. After all, the best teacher is always your last mistake. It is also important to forgive ourselves for all the mistakes we made in the past. Being good to people is never wrong, only until that one person is causing a toxic harm to you which most of the times goes unnoticed.
While writing this article, I was able to identify all the dementors in my life who are making it toxic. If you too have identified any such breathing toxin in your life, do share your experience the comments section below (of course keeping their details confidential), it could just help others identify the toxic people in their lives. 🙂